My license plate is a vanity plate--you know, those custom types that send a big message with a limited amount of characters.  Mine is PEN LADY which simply means that I'm a writer. 

People ask me what PEN LADY means, and I tell them that I'm a writer.  But, perhaps, I should start to give a different answer when I'm asked.  I wonder what people would say if the conversation went like this...

Other person:  What does PEN LADY mean?  

Yours Truly: When I was in eighth grade, my best friend sat at the desk in front of me, and she had a great number of pimples on the back of her neck, and she indulged me by letting me pop those juicy babies while we sat there listening to Mr. Creason teach us everything from grammar to Indiana History--and, yes, we were both paying attention in class. 

There were times when I felt zits that wouldn't quit on my face.  Kathey wore  make-up, so she had a compact  mirror with her.  I'd give her a one-word stage-whisper  "Mirror!" and she'd pass it back to me and I'd go to work. 

Then, there were those times when I had clogged pores on my arms.  Sometimes, I could pop the contents out by squeezing them from the side.  Mostly, though, they needed pressure bearing down on them, and I found that the most effective thing to do was to retract the point of my ball-point pen and use the hollow hole as a blackhead squeezer.

How I loved it when I pressed down and soon heard a quiet and dull pop coming from inside the casing of the pen.  I could also feel the little monsters escaping one by one from the pores. 

After a bit, I would unscrew the pen casing and gently blow into the hole farthest away from the place where the point emerged.  When I did, tiny worms exited there and displayed themselves on my desktop. 

So, PEN LADY can simply stand for my career choice--which, believe it or not, was my original intention--but it can also stand for the ability to make a rather bizarre use of my ball-point pen.

Tags: PEN LADY Pen Pop Pore