good morning! i am frustrated. that's the extent of the rant, really.
oh, why am i frustrated?
in a previous rant, i explained that i have crps in all 4 limbs + the lower part of my face -- i also have severe avascular necrosis pretty much everwhere thanks to years of steroids for lupus -- plus there is that pesky osteomyelitis in my shoulders (and probably one knee, too). are you up to speed? basically, my bones suck. sometimes they rot. sometimes they fester. and... very often! they break.
i fractured my tibia saturday morning. it was a brilliant moment. i am wheelchair bound (sniff, sniff) -- it's a power chair because i cannot use my shoulders, i mean, my fake shoulders, to self-propel. i was already doing what i am not supposed to do --i was rotating our mattress.
now, i keep the thermostat very low -- as in 58 degrees. so we don sweatshirts and sweaters and are just generally swathed in layers of fabric. i try to keep the various sleeves carefully rolled up, so as to avoid accidents.
what kind of accidents? ohhhhh, the kind where your sleeve catches on the "joystick" of your power chair and drives you willy-nilly at high speed into the METAL bedframe. not possessing intelligence, the chair continues to push, push, push until the idiot driver manages to smash the OFF button in between screams.
i love the various sounds of the erupting zit: schlurp! pa-pa-pop-splat!
i HATE the sound of a bone breaking: ccccc-r-aaaa-ccccc-k.
given that it was, of course, my right leg, the one my doctor suggested amputating back in november (?), the increase in pain is practically meaningless. going from a steady pain score of 8/10 to 9/10 just doesn't mean crap, y'know? i mean, what am i going to do, take more pain medication? i don't think so.
before crps, when my bones broke, i'd surround the offending skeleton with ice. after crps, ice is contraindicated.
so we sat around and watched it swell and change colors. more fun than a movie and popcorn.
and we discussed how annoying it was that my health insurance is no more. yes, i called the medic and my doc wanted it splinted right away. i knew he was going to say that, so we had already launched an expedition into our Orthopedic Supply Closet, crammed full of boots, splints (cloth and metal as well as air), velcro, exercise bands, a collection of walkers, canes, and wheelchair batteries. thanks to dislike of organization, there were also bedpans, tennis rackets, gallons of biofreeze and betadine, bendy shoelaces (back in the day, i used to wear shoes), and a few embarrassing romance novels.
my leg, though, had decided to swell quickly, too fast for the application of a splint.
PRAISE THE LORD, because if i cannot wear a sock on my feet due to pain? i surely can no longer tolerate the pressure, touch, and weight of a booted splint.
so, no weight-bearing is the rule, also the joke, as i cannot abuse that left leg either, and cannot use any type of crutch -- for those exciting trips of 15-20 feet to get from bed or chair to the bathroom.
whew. okay, thanks, y'all. i feel better. everytime i think, "oh, fuck, i *cannot* do this..."? it works itself out. not to say that i don't sometimes look forward to the day when i truly will give up! no time soon, no time soon.
Find Us On